By Leslie King O’Neal
You’ve Met “High Conflict Personalities”
Nearly everyone involved in dispute resolution encounters people with “high conflict personalities.” They’re often involved in disputes. These individuals are prone to, “exaggerated emotions, adamant directives, attacking and demeaning behavior, difficulty compromising, a preoccupation with blaming others, repeated interruptions, [and] bad-faith participation.”[i] Such behavior is frustrating (at the least) and, at worst, can escalate and prolong disputes. However, you may not have heard the term “high conflict personality” [ii] to describe this behavior pattern.
What is A “High Conflict Personality?”
Bill Eddy, a lawyer, mediator and licensed social worker, [iii] coined the term “high conflict personality” (“HCP”) to describe “a pattern of behavior with the following four characteristics: (1) a preoccupation with targets of blame; (2) all-or-nothing thinking; (3) unmanaged emotions; and (4) extreme behaviors. If . . . a pattern emerges, it indicates the individual has a high conflict personality.” Many HCP individuals have one or more personality disorders. Mr. Eddy observed this behavior pattern in his practice, and he has written about HCP, and personality disorders and their effect on dispute resolution for many years.
“Personality Disorders” Affect Disputes
Awareness of personality disorders (PDs) [iv] and their effects on interpersonal conflicts and legal disputes has grown over the past twenty years, Yet “dispute resolution professionals and other professionals generally have little knowledge of personality disorders and the role they play. . . especially with ‘difficult’ clients or ‘high conflict’ disputes.”
Those with PDs prolong disputes and conflicts because of their “unmanaged emotions, preoccupation with blaming others, and use of all-or-nothing thinking.” Some therapists advise avoiding PD individuals through screening or by refusing to engage with them. However, since it’s not always possible to avoid them in disputes, lawyers and mediators need to develop strategies to work with these individuals
Personality Disorders Differ From Other Mental Disorders
Personality disorders differ from other mental disorders in several ways. PDs are primarily interpersonal disorders. That means the difficult behavior emerges in relation to other people. Unlike other forms of mental illness, most people with PDs don’t know they have a disorder or even a problem.
“High Conflict Personality”—A Description, Not a Medical Diagnosis
“HCP” is not a medical or a psychiatric diagnosis. It’s a term of art describing the behavior instead of labeling the person. Mr. Eddy strongly advises against telling anyone you think they have a high conflict personality or a personality disorder. Doing so often makes matters worse by triggering defensiveness or, even worse, making you a “target of blame.” [v] Rather than confronting such people and labeling them, Mr. Eddy advises that, after identifying individuals with HCP behavior patterns, lawyers and mediators should adapt their approaches in dealing with them. One example is using written communications that are brief, informative, friendly and firm (“BIFF”). [vi] This can prevent triggering an onslaught of angry emails.
Lawyers & Mediators Need Education
In a recent article in the Pepperdine Journal of Dispute Resolution Mr. Eddy suggests all professionals, particularly lawyers and mediators, need more education about personality disorders with “the goal . . .to be more effective at directly working with these clients rather than avoiding them, resulting in less stigma and discrimination.” Because of their lack of education and understanding of PDs, professionals often struggle to accept that PDs are an enduring, behavior pattern. Trying to convince clients with PDs to change is unsuccessful. “[M]any lawyers chastise their PD clients, judges lecture their PD litigants, and mediators urge their PD clients to become flexible, only to become frustrated and often angry when there is no change in behavior.”
Successful Mediation & Psychology
While formal psychology training isn’t required for lawyers or ADR professionals, most practitioners recognize that psychology plays a major role in dispute resolution, particularly in mediation. “ . . [S]uccessful mediation requires sensitivity to the psychological dynamics that underlie how people think, feel, and, ultimately, behave and make decisions.”[vii]This means mediators (and lawyers) need to understand PD’s and other mental disorders when attempting to resolve disputes involving individuals with these behavior patterns.
Changing Approach May Help
Mr. Eddy notes, “Any realistic approach to the mediator’s role must recognize that mediation parties cannot always be treated the same.” “By adopting more effective mediation approaches, mediators can help clients participate more effectively and reach durable agreements, rather than having their mediations blow up and clients walk out.” People with PDs may be overwhelmed by standard mediation approaches. Mediators can help those with PDs avoid self-sabotaging, emotional reactions by focusing on narrow, problem-solving, thinking-based activities. Using decision science[viii] and game theory[ix] which focus on rational decision-making techniques may be effective in these cases. (See October 2024 post Mediation at the Next Level https://theconstructionadrtoolbox.com/2024/10/how-ai-tools-can-improve-mediation/ ) for explanation of ways mediators and lawyers can use these tools to help clients make fact-based decisions.
Takeaways
- Since over ten per cent of the adult population meet the criteria for a personality disorder, it’s likely that lawyers and mediators will encounter PDs in disputes.
- Mediators and lawyers need education to understand the dynamics of PDs and effective methods to assist clients with PDs (or clients who are involved with someone with a PD) in dispute resolution.
- “High conflict personality” is not a medical diagnosis, but a description of a behavior pattern. Publicly using these labels is not helpful.
- Through education and training, mediators and lawyers can adapt their approaches to clients or parties with HCP or PDs to be more effective in dispute resolution. We will provide more examples of this in future posts.
[i] Bill Eddy, The New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality Disorders, 24 PEPP. DISP. RESOL. L.J. 300 (2024) at 318. http://10https://digitalcommons.pepperdine.edu/drlj/vol24/iss1/8/how-ai-tools-can-improve-mediation/. All quotes in this post are from this article, unless another authority is cited.
[ii] Bill Eddy, Who Are High Conflict People? HIGH CONFLICT INST. (May 15, 2019) https://highconflictinstitute.com/high-conflict-strategies/who-are-high-conflict-people/.
[iii] Bill Eddy is a lawyer, mediator and licensed social worker. He is the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego, California. http://www.HighConflictInstitute.com. Mr. Eddy is the author of twenty books and manuals about high conflict personalities and methods for working with them, including: BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Hostile Emails, Personal Attacks and Social Media (2d. Ed. 2014); Calming Upset People With EAR: How Statements Showing Empathy, Attention and Respect Can Quickly Defuse a Conflict (2021); Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax, Mediating High Conflict Disputes (2021).
[iv] The 2022 Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) estimates that over 10% of the adult population meet the criteria for a personality disorder, and most do not have a formal diagnosis, AM. PSYCHIATRIC ASS’N, DIAGNOSTIC AND STATISTICAL MANUAL OF MENTAL DISORDERS: DSM-5-TR 734 (5th ed, rev. 2022). The DSM-5-TR describes ten personality disorders. The personality disorders most associated with hostile behavior are Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.
[v] “HCPs are preoccupied with a ‘Target of Blame’ – usually someone very close to them (boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, parent, child, best friend, etc.) or someone in an apparent position of authority (supervisor, company, government agency, police, doctor, lawyer, politician, etc.). They take aggressive action against that person, including lawsuits, employment complaints, spreading rumors, and even violence, in an effort to get that person to go away or change their behavior, so that the HCP will stop feeling so threatened inside.”
[vi] Bill Eddy, BIFF, Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Hostile Emails, Personal Attacks and Social Media (2d Ed. 2014).
[vii] David A. Hoffman, Richard N. Wolman, The Psychology of Mediation, 14 CARDOZO J. CONFLICT RESOL. 759, 760 (Spring 2013).
[viii] “Decision science” uses quantitative techniques to inform individual and group decision-making. It encompasses decision analysis, risk analysis, cost-benefit analysis, simulation modeling, and more. Its goal is providing a framework for understanding personal priorities and improving decision-making within groups and organizations. The underlying assumption is that dispute resolution is a multi-criteria decision between two or more parties with different or opposing agendas. For more information about “Decision Science” see, Breakthroughs in Decision Science and Risk Analysis, (Louis Cox, Ed.) (Wiley 2015).
[ix] “Game theory” is a theoretical framework for conceiving social situations among competing players. It models strategic interactions where each participant’s outcome depends on the actions of all involved. For more information about Game Theory, see, An Introduction to Game Theory, Martin J. Osborne (Oxford Univ. Press 2004).
